Building self esteem after leaving an abusive relationship.

by missyaparker
(USA)

Question

I am separated from my husband after eleven years of physical, emotional and mental abuse. How do I build my self esteem again after years of being abused? I want my daughter to see me get stronger and more confident in myself. I also want my daughter to know that love does not hurt and she should never let anyone make her feel less than a human being.

Answer

First of all missyaparker I want to congratulate you for having the courage to leave a marriage that was bad for you and your daughter. It's not easy to call it quits after 11 years, so once again congratulations.


Now I want you to remember it took 11 years to get to where you’re at mentally and physically right now so you’re not going to be able to change it all in one day.

But you can start reinforcing your self love and self acceptance by taking the time to compliment yourself. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, how proud you are of yourself and how accepting you are of all that you have been though and what you've been able to do to get on a more positive path.

You must give yourself that love and appreciation before anyone else even can. You've been abused for so long that it's become a habit. And like all habit they are formed by repetition.

You must form new habits. Habits that make you feel good and inspired to keep going. You've made it through a huge life challenge now you must make it through the recovery.

Start with repeating positive affirmations out loud to yourself in front of a mirror. You may be ridiculous at first, we all do. But I promise you if you push past the uncomfortable feeling you will begin to feel better.

Please give it an honest try. Do it for at least 30 days and I promise you, you will not be the same person.

Then get yourself a copy of Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life. This book is truly life changing. I recommend this book to everyone who is beginning the process of rebuilding their self from the ground up.

Take care missyaparker and God bless you and your daughter. You have a long road ahead of you but you will make through and you'll be a better person because of it.

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May 13, 2013
You're brave and courageous
by: Michelle

Thanks for sharing your personal story of bravery and courage. Because it takes both to do what you did. And you're on the right track with acknowledging that you have to build your self esteem back up.

Spend some time journaling so that you can get to know yourself again. Also write about what you went through and how it affected you and the life of your boys. This will help you tremendously by helping you to release all that pent up negative energy. You need to release that negative energy so that you can make room for the positive energy to enter.

Building your self esteem will be a process that will take bravery and courage which you already demonstrated that you have a lot of. So keep pressing on and you'll get there.


May 11, 2013
Trying to gain my self identy
by: Anonymous

Its been 16years with one partner I was not physically abused but mentally he was especially cruel to the two boys like he was jealous of them and I had to work especially hard was never allowed to stop. I was always anxious when he came home because he would say something negative. I went through some intense therapy coming out much stronger., strong enough to leave so that I could protect the kids. It was also away of salvaging the relationship between the father and sons. I had to move 4 hours away to gain any peace. Now I need to gain my self esteem back

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