Defensiveness - another form of low self esteem

We are constantly putting ourselves down and most of the time we aren’t even aware of it.

Think about it, when someone says something negative about you or something you’re doing, do you try to defend yourself?

Or do you say nothing to that person but internally beat yourself up about it?

Either way you are causing yourself to react to these types of situations with self justifying and self protecting behaviors.

Behaviors that will lead you to experience more unenjoyable situations. Situations where you feel uncomfortable and apologetic.

Now let’s turn that defensiveness into acceptance.

Accepting yourself and the things you do is the easiest way to welcome and accept criticism. By accepting I don’t mean agree with.

When someone criticizes you or your work, don’t feel like you have to defend yourself all the time.

Instead, acknowledge what they just said and then internally decide if you can use their advice. If not then just discard it.

Don’t allow them to tear you down by accepting everything they said as the truth.

Most times when people criticize they are not trying to be mean and put you down. There just sharing their opinion with you. And you can choose to accept it or not.

Now if it’s your boss then he/she is most likely giving you feedback and not necessarily criticizing you personally.

Regardless of who it is you can’t do anything to change the people around you but you can change the way you internalize your interactions with them.

If you internalize it as something negative then you will become defensive. But if you internalize it as someone’s opinion – truly having no effect on you, then you’ll react with a more open and accepting response.

I just finished reading the book The 4 Agreements and the second agreement is don’t take anything personally.

That’s great advice for criticism and that’s great advice for life in general. If you never take anything personally then you’ll never have to get defensive.

Taking everything personally will have you reacting negatively when you fell personally threatened or personally violated.

When you fell personally threatened or violated in some way you will always be tempted to close up from these types of situations; situations that have the power to help grow and expand expotentionaly as a person.

So it’s not all bad. You will learn more about yourself by paying attention to how YOU respond to others negativity, others criticism, their demeanor and personalities then you will learn from being closed up.

Become intently aware of how you respond to every situation, positive or negative, and you will begin to drop the defensiveness behavior and become more open to personal suggestions and criticism.

And that’s a good thing because it will help you grow into a strong and experienced person able to give and accept criticism in a very useful way.




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