Getting a divorce?
Getting a divorce can have an effect on you as well as the children but let's focus on you for right now. You may experience an enormous amount of pain, regret, heartache and shame but it doesn't compare to the amount of self-love and self-acceptance that you'll lose if you allow yourself to carry all the blame.
And we all know from experience, building and maintaining those two very important emotions is not an easy thing to do. And it's definitely not something you acquire overnight.
So how can you keep your self esteem intact while getting a divorce? That's a great question and it's something I'm going to answer right now.
Sure, everyone is different and they experience different emotions, circumstances and outcomes when getting a divorce but the inner work is the same.
You'll still need to do what it takes to remain grounded in the moment even when pain and discomfort is at its highest. That's when you'll define the kind of person you are. And how you want to feel about the situation after the fact.
Think about it this way, how do you want to be remembered when everything is all said and done and the intense moments have pasted?
Because let's face it, nothing last forever - bad or good. But what does last is the memories of that time. The things you did or said. The things you didn't do or say that you wish you had. The words that cut deep as a knife and the actions that were taken, sometimes out of rage.
Yes I agree, getting a divorce can be a very trying time, to say the least. That's why it's so important to mentally prepared for whatever life throws your way.
I want you to decide right now, to choose how your memories play out. In order to remain able and capable of delivering self-love and acceptance to yourself, you'll need to build that deep loving relationship with yourself before the unthinkable happens.
Before the divorce, before the job loss, before the injury, before the separation, etc. But what if you never prepared? Then what?
Well you begin now. You begin to pamper and love yourself unconditionally from this day forward. You begin to treat yourself with kindness, courtesy, love, affection, honesty, gratitude and appreciation.
Don't wait for someone else to do it for you. You're more then capable to do it for yourself.
And please do not get into another relationship until you've created a deeply intimate and loving relationship with yourself.
It's so important to show others how you want to be treated by the way you treat yourself. And the best time to do that is when you're in transition anyway. Getting a divorce puts you into that transition phase. Whether you want to be or not.
Your growing, your changing and your discovering things about yourself you never knew existed. Good, bad or ugly, it's you at your core. Use it to your advantage and become the person you want to be, not the person you think you have to be.
Getting a divorce will test all your limits. Now it's time to decide, do you want to grow and be the person you've always dreamed of? Or do you want to shrink and allow the painful and shameful memories to play over and over in your head until you absolutely can't take it anymore and you make more bad choices which lead to bad memories?
Decide now to make memories that are worth remembering. Getting a divorce or not you're still a lovable, capable and worthy person who deserves to live your best life possible.
From this day forward, I want you to expect great things for yourself. I want you to believe that you have what it takes to come through any situation and be a better person becasue of it.
Don't allow the ugly to crowd out your beauty because it will if you let it.
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