How do I learn to love myself?

Question

My parents were in their late 40's when I was born and I really don't think I was planned. My mother suffered from severe depression and spent most of her time in bed.

My father retreated into his work to cope. I lived most of my childhood and youth in a fantasy world.

I have no recollections of either of my parents ever telling me that they loved me even though I know they did.

As a result of all of this, I believe that I have lived my whole life in a fantasy of my own making. When things are rough, I just retreat in to my fantasy world.

I don't know how to cope with real life. I have very low self-esteem and look to others to make me feel good.

I see myself as ugly and lacking in all areas of my life. I have a 16 month old granddaughter and if she would rather go to my husband I get my feelings hurt because I feel like I'm not a good grandmother or she would want to come to me.

I just don't feel love from anywhere although I know in my heart there are many people who love me. I don't know how to get beyond this.

I am 56 years old and do not want to live the rest of my life like this.

I need some help! I want to be genuinely happy in every situation I encounter and face it head on and not go back to my fantasy world to avoid dealing with it. What can I do?

Answer

First of all, thank you for posting this question. I know that a lot of women suffer from low self esteem due to lack of self love and acceptance.



That being said, that's exactly where you need to start. Start by making a list of all the things you truly love about yourself. If that list only consist of a few things then that's where you start. Read your list every day and add to it often.

Also talk to yourself with love, compassion and kindness. Turn your self talk into self praise and self admiration.

For example, if you constantly say to yourself "I'm not good enough" or "No one loves me" your going to experience those kinds of feelings.

Change that to "I love and accept myself", "I have complete and total compassion for myself".

Once you become aware of the things you are repeating to yourself and how that makes you feel, you'll be able to switch that negative thought to a more positive one.

You've always known that you are loved by others, now it's time to show yourself love. Take time to be with yourself, to pamper yourself.

Do things that you love to do. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Say "I love you" to yourself every time the thought or feeling strikes you.

Showing yourself love will have a profound impact on your life. You'll start to feel better about yourself the moment you make a committed decision to take care of yourself completely.

Use the worksheets on this website to really dig deep within yourself to create an intimate relationship with the most important person in your life - You!


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