I want to change myself

by Maria
(Cleveland)

Question
I'm a pretty messed up kid. I'm 16, and I'm adopted. I've grown up in a dysfunctional family, with parents who fight all the time and take everything out on me. Recently my little brother was diagnosed with Leukemia, and things have been getting progressively worse.

He's almost always in the hospital, and my parents are almost constantly at each other, or at me. I have intense anger issues. I break things when I'm angry and I sometimes want to hurt people. I did once on accident, on account of losing control of myself.

When I'm angry, nothing else exists but that anger. It doesn't help that my mom sometimes smacks me. I hate to be touched. It really sets me off when she hits me. She almost called the police on me once. With all this going on, I've had to mature a lot, but I seem to be going downhill instead.

I've become a goof, and people hate me. At school people avoid me because I goof off too much. I also have a complex about love, and relationships; no matter what the type. Whether it's just friendship or an actual relationship with a guy, I have a hard time keeping them.

I'm afraid I'll end up like my parents did, or that the person I'm with will be afraid of me and my life. I truly am a twisted person. You don't even know the half of it. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm a coward and I need to change. I'm dying inside and losing myself every day.

I just want to be happy and free again like a used to. Please help me...

Answer
Maria I don’t know you personally but I sincerely want to help you the best that I can. This email brings tears to my eyes for two reasons.

First your only 16 and you are in a situation that most grown adults would find it hard to deal with. And second because you have a lot of negative self talk that is causing you to be extremely unhappy with yourself.


I know you’re going through hard times but I don’t want you to keep on reinforcing it by personally beating yourself up about it day in and day out.

We cannot change the people around us. The only person we have any control over is our self.

You’re going through a difficult time right now Maria but I want you to know and believe in your heart that this too shall pass. Nothing last forever – good or bad.

Next I want you to being to change the words you use when you describe yourself by repeating affirmations. But don’t just say them to say them; you have to say them with feeling, motion, energy and conviction.

Start with this affirmation from Tony Robbins– All I need is within me now! All I need is within me now! Say it loud. Say it while standing up. Use your hands and actions to help put you in a more positive frame of mind. And do it every day.

Finally I would suggest that you get two books – The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. You should be able to find these at your local library.

Maria I would also like to mention that if God has put you in this challenging situation then He has big plans for you in the future. Challenges and hard times build strong and courageous warriors. And you my dear are defiantly in training.

Take care and God bless,

Michelle