Trouble

by John
(Massachusetts, USA)

Question

I am very good at interpreting my own feelings and am well on my way to overcome depression.

I have a crush on my best friend who is down to earth, genuine and appreciates me for who I am, as I am. The only problem is, I often get worried because I don't know how she feels back.

She is not looking for a relationship, just a friend who will be loyal and there for her through anything, which I will.

I have been her friend for 6 years and we share tons of interests and will be attending the same college by coincidence in the fall.

In the past, I was her friend but only in band (as we are both percussionists) and not much outside of it.

I want to not worry and understand that I can't control the future and should love myself and live in the present and she wants to go to Six flags with me over the summer and is offering me a private tour of the college since I am transferring there from another school which didn't work out for me and didn't suit me.

I want to develop my friendship and not worry and cherish it for what it is and not get anxious, but often, I worry.

Since I don't know what she is thinking or what will come of this, even if I am doing the right things, I often fear and over think myself.

As a way to simply feel better about myself, I am trying to eat healthier (even though I am a little underweight, although athletic and healthy).

Sometimes, my insecurities make me blame my wanting to eat better or exercise on trying to make me look attractive and I often get sad sometimes.

Even though I know I am doing the right things and living for myself there's always a small seed of insecurity and definitely a part of me that is far too hard on myself, as I create fears and worries with no basis in fact.

How do I not worry and keep my self-esteem on the proper track? Thank you so much :)

Answer

John congrats on your hard work. You are definitely on the right track. It sounds like the next step for you would be to find a partner who interconnects with you.

I think any women would be lucky to have such a confident and loving man by her side.

Nothing is sexier than a self-loving and confident person. That being said, I'm pretty sure you know the answer to your own question.

Maybe you just need a little reassurance.

You say you've been friends with this girl for 6 years, then you know her pretty well. You know if she has feelings for you that are deeper than just friendship.

So I get the sense that you're worried because you don't feel she does want anything more from you.

If that truly is the case, then you're going to have to use that same drive and determination that you used to get to where you are now and go deliberately searching for a women who adds to your life.

But be sure you don't get with a women who takes anything away from your life.

However, if you believe that your friend does have intimate feelings for you then she's probably waiting for you to make the move.

You know her well and you know what her relationship status is and you've probably known for the last 6 years.

Now it's up to you to push through your comfort zone and ask her out on a date. Or give her a good-bye kiss on the cheek or lips and pay close attention her reaction.

Don't be too forceful because you don't want to ruin the relationship you two already have but she has to know that you would like more than a friendship with her.

If you've been having feelings for her for awhile now she probably already knows that too. I can't tell you exactly what to do because I don't know either of you personally or your relationship.

But 6 years is a long time to get to know someone. You know this girl and now it's time to really get to know, if she's open to it, or you need to go in search of that women who will compliment your already loving and satisfied self :)

Best of luck to you John.